


The Dream of Tomorrow

by NandaWrites



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Clary goes dark and joins Sebastian's side and then they win, Alternate Universe - Dark, Clary is really in love with Sebastian she isn't being controlled, Consensual Sex, Dark fic, Demons, Demons rule the world, F/M, Incest, Post-Canon, Pregnancy, Sibling Incest, They are both psychos here but they love each other, They rule the world together, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 08:28:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17825333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NandaWrites/pseuds/NandaWrites
Summary: She had never seen him so happy before, not even when she had embraced her true feelings about him and the world and come to his side, and he had been extremely happy then. Now it was as if a permanent light had been lit inside him, that last piece that had always been missing for him to achieve perfect happiness. Being able to see it – and even more: sharing it with him and being part of the cause of that happiness – filled her with as much warmth as the life currently growing inside of her did.He was the King and she was his Queen and, together, they would build the new future.





	The Dream of Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for one of my supporters on Ko-fi as thank you for their support. They asked for a Clabastian pregnancy fic, featuring dark!Clary and an AU where Team Evil won the war. Thank Cassie for introducing Thule in QoAaD, because this was heavily based on that. Hope you all like it!
> 
> If you would like an exclusive piece of fiction too, check out the details on [my tumblr](https://nandawrites.tumblr.com/post/179829711837/hello-lovelies-i-have-recently-found-myself-in-a)! All prompts accepted, and I do mean _all_ of them!

When Clary opened her eyes that morning, the bed beside her was empty, the sheets having long gone cold in the chilly air of dawn. She sighed, curling up closer to his side of the bed and breathing in the smell that was left there as she enjoyed the final moments of semi unconsciousness. There was the remnant of a dream prickling at the back of her head, a vague sense of pride and completeness, of him standing happy at her side as they looked over… something, but now she couldn’t remember what it was. The Angel didn’t send her dreams anymore, of course, but she still couldn’t shake off the feeling that whatever this last dream had been, it was important.

She sighed again, and stretched, sitting up and preparing to get out of bed. It was a pity to wake up alone, but not at all unexpected; after all there was still a lot to be done before their vision and their reign was fully complete. There was no time to waste lazying around in bed or wondering about foolish dreams. She threw the covers aside and got up, shivering slightly as her bare feet touched the cold floor, and walked over to the window, throwing open the curtains.

The sight that greeted her would have been considered by many as a nightmare, but it only made her smile. The sky was still dark, the sun barely peaking up from the edge of the earth, and the city of Alicante, that had once been the world’s main defense against demons, was now flooding with them. Demons of all shapes and kinds, flying through the air above her window, crawling and slithering through the streets, climbing on buildings and the deactivated towers that had once kept them out. The city itself was a shadow of what it had been, half destroyed and burned to the ground; but they were rebuilding it and, once they were done, it would be the perfect center of all their power, home to the rulers of the world and their army of endarkened.

It was a sweet thought that made her smile all the wider. Her king had once told her she had a dark heart in her and as it turned out - as it had always been, she had just been too scared to admit it - she did. It felt great to be able to embrace it and know that she wouldn’t be judged, that the people most important in her life understood her.

A knock on the door distracted her from her thoughts and she called out “It’s open!”

“Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty, your subjects await you.” Jace poked his head inside the room with a smile and then frowned. “You are really not ready.”

“Who says so? A Queen is ready when she says she is,” she replied, but Jace only lifted an eyebrow at her, clearly not biting her defense.

“Are you going to the meeting with the generals in unicorn pyjamas?”

“Why not? It could be the new fashion. I can do whatever I want since I’m the queen, right?” She sighed, dropping the pretense. “Fine, you are right, I’m late. Give me a second and I’ll be right out.”

“Don’t take too long. Your king is waiting for you,” he winked before closing the door to wait in the hall and Clary chuckled. She knew he was, her king would always wait for her or cross the worlds to find her and have her with him. And she would do the same for him. That’s why, together, they were invincible.

She undressed and went to the closet where the dress she had picked out was hanging. It was a deep green with long sleeves and a gold lining on the skirt. It was gorgeous and it complemented her perfectly, as well as being his favourite colour to see on her, that’s why she had saved it from the store of a stubborn clerk a week ago, before it was burned to the ground and he was turned into an endarkened.

The memory made her frown a bit as she got dressed. There were still pockets of resistance, among many Institutes around the world and even here in their own city, and it was very troubling. That’s why the meeting they had called for today was so important and scheduled so early so it could extend all throughout the day and they could come up with a final plan to eradicate them. She had some ideas of her own she had been discussing with Jace and was eager to share and see what his reaction would be. She hoped they would please him as much as they pleased her. 

Finishing up with the dress, the shoes and her hair, she finally walked out into the hallway, where Jace was still waiting playing with a small dagger. He smiled when he saw her and put it back into its sheath and, together, they set out for the Council room where the meeting would be held.

 

The council room was a rectangular, open room with a large table in the center and long windows running through one of the walls. Once, not so long ago, it had been adorned with big tapestries and paintings portraying the history of the Nephilim, its important events and heroes, but now they were all ashes in a pile somewhere. Her brother had said that, once everything was settled, Clary could paint them new tapestries featuring themselves and their victories, starting to record their new history, and she couldn’t wait.

But first, there were important matters to be taken care of.

He was already there when she and Jace arrived, sitting at the edge of the table and immersed in a discussion with Amatis. The all black ensemble he wore made his pale hair and skin seem even lighter and his dark eyes pop in the dim morning light. He was gorgeous. Beside him, an empty chair also on the edge of the table waited for Clary and she gladly took her seat that showed they were both the equal rulers of this new era together. In the surface, it might have seemed like he hadn’t even noticed her arrival, but she felt his hand take hold of hers under the table as she sat and she could barely hide a smile behind a cough.

Jace went to sit on Jonathan’s right side as his right-hand man and slowly the seats on the table started to fill up with their most trusted and high-ranked soldiers. Clary smiled at her mother and Amatis, and nodded politely at Robert Lightwood. It was a pity Izzy and Alec, as well as Simon, had decided to be unreasonable and were part of one of the resistance groups outside of the city, she really missed them sometimes.

“Thank you all for joining us in this meeting,” Jon started once they were all seated. “It’s a matter of great importance so let’s not waste time. Amatis has information on the rebel group hiding in Brocelind forest.”

“Yes. A small group was sent to track them last week and find out as much as possible about their provisions and plans. Apparently, the group has set camp near the entrance to the Silent City, hoping to use it as an escape route as our soldiers are unable to open the entrance on their own. There appears to be around 40 people with them, including Alexander and Isabelle Lightwood.”

“Who is leading the group? My kids have their tricks, but they can’t pull off something of this magnitude,” Robert commented with a frown.

“It’s Lucian Graymark,” Jon said, fingers drumming lazily on the table. “It seems like he is determined to be a stone in my shoes as much as he was in our father’s. At least this time we have his little partner in crime on our side, right, _mother_?”

Clary still didn’t like the way Jon talked to their mother. She knew he had only allowed her to live because of her, and he hoped one day he would be able to let this bitterness towards the past behind them. She knew better than to push him, though.

“Lucian is problematic, but predictable. If we have more information, we can foil his futile attempts.”

“Here is a map of the area and the general set up of the rebel camp, as drawn by one of the members of the reconnaissance team.” Amatis continued. “With this set up, our best strategy is to trap them in a surprise attack before they have time to retreat into the city.”

“No,” Clary interrupted, suddenly, and all the heads in the table turned towards her with the most varied expressions, but the only one she cared about was Jon’s intrigued one, his eyebrow raised at her.

“Pardon me, my lady, but what do you mean by ‘no’? Taking in consideration the information we have this is the bes-”

“No,” Clary interrupted her again. “Surprise attacks won’t work with them, they will be expecting it. We don’t need an element of surprise, what we need is to undermine their very defenses from the inside out. What we need is a spy.”

“And who do you suggest that spy to be, milady? They know who is part of our troops or not.”

“Well, isn’t it obvious?” She rolled her eyes, and let the silence stretch for a moment before declaring: “Me.”

Voices of complaint and protest and worry exploded from all around the table, commenting on her safety, on the unworthiness of she reducing herself to a task such a this, for her to trust on the abilities of her soldiers, but it all stopped when Jon raised his hand. His eyes sparkling dangerously in Clary’s direction sending a shiver down her spine.

“Explain,” he commanded.

And so she did.

It was the plan she had been carefully developing over the past week and honing it with Jace’s help. She wanted it to be perfect by the time she presented it at the meeting, foul-proof, so she could impress everyone - but specially Jon - with it. She had never been a big strategist, but she was honestly proud of herself for it: The idea was that she would pretend to go back to their side, gaining their trust, passing at once as spy and bait, and then create the perfect opportunity for them to strike from within.

She explained everything once, and then again, as many times as they asked, answering every question and deflecting all their attempts at finding a hole in her plan or trying to dissuade her from doing it. Eventually, with Jace’s help, the focus of the talk shifted away from trying to change the plan and into trying to expand it and work with it, deciding times and who to send to which position and communication channels and contingency plans. She was beaming, extremely proud of herself, but through all the talk Jon remained silent until finally he got up, but only to mandate a break for lunch and that they should rejoin in the room in two hours.

Clary didn’t understand why he wouldn’t say anything. Her nerves were buzzing under her skin, dying to know his reaction, to know if she had pleased him, to hear him be impressed and proud of her, of his queen, but still all he did was stride out of the room and gesture ordering her to follow. She bit her lip, frustrated, and only went along because she wanted to confront him about his lack of reaction, but as soon as she caught up to him he whipped around in a flash and suddenly she was pressed against the wall, her wrists by her head clasped into his hands and he was glaring at her, dark eyes boring into hers.

“What do you have going on through that head of yours, Clarissa? Do you _really think_ I will allow you to go through a danger like that?”

Oh… _Oh_. Now she understood the lack of reaction and the seething rage in his eyes. He wasn’t mad at her, he was _worried_ , and if there was one thing Jon didn’t like it was to worry.

“Danger is to sit here and wait until they come for us. This is the best way.”

“No! We can send someone else! Jace-”

“They won’t trust Jace, they won’t trust anyone else. They know the power you have over them, but I came to you because I wanted to, because we are the same. I don’t have a rune from Lilith or a seal of the Endarkened, I am the only one that can lie to them and be believable. You know that-”

“I said _NO_!” He bellowed, unreasonable, pulling her wrists from the wall and pinning them back once more and she gasped and glared back at him, losing her patience.

“Why _not_? You don’t trust me? You don’t think I can do it? Am I not your queen?”

“You are, but that’s precisely why I won’t let you go. You are _my_ queen, they can’t have you.”

“But they can have _you_? You went out to fight against one of the rebel Institutes just the other day, you were in danger too. If I am your Queen, then I will _be_ the Queen, I will fight and I will lead just as you. If you just want someone to sit by your side and look pretty, you can find someone else!”

“You know I don’t _want_ anyone else!”

“Then let me be someone that you can want. Let me be a Queen that can be by your side. You know if you keep saying no, that I will just do it anyway.”

That made the corner of his mouth twitch slightly, and she felt hope bloom inside her.

“Yes, I know that. You are more stubborn than a pack of Ravener demons, and about just as infuriating.”

“But I am right. You know I am right. My plan is the best and only way and you know it.”

He sighed, and his grip on her wrists loosened, no longer pinning but just holding, sliding his hands up to tangle with hers.

“Your plan is genius. Damn you, Clarissa, when did you get so good at this?”

She beamed up at him, filled with pride and happiness at finally knowing she had been able to please him. She knew he would do anything for her, but she had to let him know she would do anything for him too. They were one and the same and they didn’t need a rune or a spell to tell them that, it was the truth of their very souls, their very nature. As long as he reigned, she would reign by his side. Whether they rose or fell, they would do it together.

“And the way you conducted that meeting, defying Amatis, exposing your plan, shutting down any attempt to doubt the plan or expose a weak spot until you had every single one of them at the palms of your hands…” He was pressing closer now, breath hot in her ear, the shadow of his lips against her neck, and a violent spark went down her spine, setting all her nerves alight. “I would have had you right there over that table, thrown the meeting up to the airs, but I didn’t want you to stop. You looked glorious.”

He nipped at her lobe, she gasped.

“Then have me now. Take me. I am all yours.”

She didn’t plead or ask, she commanded, like a Queen. But he didn’t obey, he just took what he wanted, like a true King. It was another proof of just how they belonged together, that what she wanted and what he wanted always aligned so well, even in matters such as these.

His mouth descended on hers in a rough and desperate kiss, full of the hunger and desire for her that had always laid at the core of everything he did. If she had been anyone else, she would have been devoured, consumed by it, but she answered him with the same hunger and passion, taking from him as he took from her, in an already practiced dance of pleasing and being pleased. 

The roughness of the kiss was a direct contrast to how tenderly they held each other’s hands and it was just one of the many things she loved about it, about him, these never-ending contrasts. But right now she felt powerful and proud and she didn’t crave tenderness. She pushed at his hands, directing them to her body, and he gripped at her waist as her fingers dug at the back of his black coat, aching for the skin underneath. His hands over her dress were like a brand, drawing lines of fire as they travelled down her hips, her thighs…

She jumped at the same time that he pulled and then her legs were locked around him, her back pressed firmly against the wall as he held her up and they kissed and kissed, breaths coming out rougher and shorter with every passing moment. Her hands found his silky hair, gripped, pulled, and his animalistic groan just made her burn all that more intensely.

“Bed. _Now_.” She commanded against his lips and then they were turning, moving, he carrying her through the corridors and turns as she did her best to try and distract him as they went, kissing and nipping down his neck, his jaw, nails dragging over his back, but Jon would not be distracted when he set his mind on something, not even by pleasure.

She kissed him again when they turned on the corridor of their room, trusting mechanical memory to take them safely on those last few steps. The door had been left open when she left and they easily walked in. She tried to kick the door closed, but turned out they were already too far for her to reach and he snorted.

“You are too short for that.”

“And you are too… Blond.” She huffed the first thing that had come to mind, and he laughed as he put her down on the bed and went back to close and lock the door. It was a treat, Jon very rarely laughed so freely, even when it was only the two of them.

He wasn’t laughing anymore when he turned back to her, walking the few steps to the bed slow and deliberately, like a panther playing at hunting with one of their own, and Clary responded in kind, pushing herself back on the bed until her head lay against the pillows and she stretched languidly, her dress riding up her thighs as she kicked off her shoes. There had been a time when she had been awkward and shy about her own body, clueless on the arts of seduction and enticing, ignorant about love making, but that time was long past.

It had been in their trip around the world where she had taken the first steps, growing as a shadowhunter, gaining control over her body. He had showed her how to fight, and then he had showed her many other things, all the other ways in which she could have control over her body to do as she wanted, this time for pleasure, and she had been an eager student that was slowly becoming a master. There was no need to feel awkward or shy when they were together, there was no way it would ever be anything short of perfect.

When he climbed on top of her now, smirk matching her own, she opened her arms and legs to welcome him once again, pulling and keeping him close, his arms bracketing his weight at the side of her head. The heat from before was still there, but controlled, smoldering embers that needed just to be fanned to grow into an inferno, but for now they were content to just kiss for a while, knowing they had more than enough time for themselves.

“You are mine, for the next two hours. I will not let you go,” he teased.

“I am yours forever,” she promised back and heard him groan. She knew this is what he had always wanted, to belong wholly to someone, to have a person that not only understood and accepted him but that shared in his darkness. He had known she was that person long before she did, and now that he had woken her, she would never let him go.

That was the spark that was needed to light the fire again. When he kissed her now it was once again rough and desperate, impatient fingers pulling at her bodice and her dress, sliding it off her body without bothering with buttons and laces. There was a ripping sound as it was yanked past her hips and she gasped, half from indignation and half from desire.

“Jon! This was a new dress!”

“I can get you a new one. And you know how you are supposed to call me when we are like this.”

He yanked the rest of the dress off her, sliding down to mouth at the skin showing over the lace of her bra, and she gasped again, but this time there was nothing of indignation to it.

“Jonathan…”, she moaned as he slid even lower, pressing kisses down her belly, biting at the inside of her thighs, making her squirm as he teased her, slowly getting rid of her undergarments. His fingers left searing marks on her hips as he held her down, tongue and lips working over her in a knowing skillful way that made her trash and moan, gripping at the pillows under her head, at her own breasts, at his hair, trying to find a way to relieve some of the pressure that was building inside her as he brought her higher and higher on the waves of pleasure until finally it crashed upon her, making her moan, her whole body trembling.

And still he did not stop, he brought her higher again and higher still until her back was arching off the bed and she was screaming, fingers gripping so hard onto the sheets they were white.

When she fell back into the bed he got up, face smug, the hungry spark still present in his eyes. And she half glared at him, but with the way she was still breathing hard and trembling from aftershocks it didn’t sound all that convincing at all.

“You still have all of your clothes on. That is not – _wow_ – absolutely not fair.”

“I heard the ‘wow’, you know? I don’t think I have to be fair when there’s a wow involved.”

“You have to if you want to come here and go ‘wow’ together with me.” She pulled at the clasp of her own bra and threw it on the side of the bed, laying completely naked as she breathed a couple more times before sitting up and then kneeling on their bed. “Come here.”

He knelt in front of her and she got to work, undoing the buttons of his military style coat one by one before sliding it off his shoulders and starting to do the same with his shirt, slowly now, only the tips of her fingers ghosting over his skin as she worked, raising goosebumps on the pale skin. He was a master of teasing and taking his pleasure, but she had been a most apt student and he was her favourite canvas to practice on, drawing lines of desire on his skin, sometimes figuratively and sometimes quite literally with the use of her nails.

Some torturing moments later and his shirt found the way to the floor together with his jacket and her dress. He was gorgeous, she had always thought so, even when she had believed she wasn’t supposed to, but now she had no problems admitting it to herself or to the world: he was gorgeous, absolutely breathtaking, and her hands ran through the expanse of his torso, mapping his muscles and form for her to draw later, before going down to the hem of his pants.

He was already heavy and hard inside his pants, hot as she curled her hand around him, stroking lightly, stretching the moment, testing the limits of his control and his patience that never lasted very long when she was concerned. Soon, his fingers were around her arm and he was growling her name, urging her to hurry up, to give him what he wanted or he would take it either way, but he had never had to – what he wanted was always what she wanted and she always knew how and when to give them both what they craved.

She stopped playing and opened his pants. He stepped out of the bed for a second to slide them down and add them to the pile of discarded clothes on the floor, and at last he was bare and whole in front of her. Beautiful. Perfect. Looking at him made her mouth water and her body ache to have him pressed against her, inside her, closer than anyone had ever been or would ever be again.

“Now, Jonathan.” She extended a hand to him, to pull him back. She didn’t beg, she didn’t plead, he had showed her such actions were beneath her, but the rawness in her request couldn’t be mistaken by anything else. They fell on the bed together, once more interlocked in kisses and embraces, bodies rocking and moving together in urgent waves, stretching the anticipation and the madness until finally he was pressing inside her, making her scream his name. Not the one he had chosen because it suited him, but the true name of his soul, the one that matched and completed hers.

Together with him she felt whole. It was a feeling more powerful and more exquisite than pleasure - though that was also extremely nice. It was belonging, it was power, it was glory, it was the most brilliant form of love. She had seen angels withering and angels in all their glory, but neither of those experiences had come even close to compare to how she had felt when they had lied together for the first time and every time after that. She thought nothing in her life could ever compare to it again.

The time for teasing and playing had been left behind now. There was nothing of slow or gentle in the way he moved inside her, chasing his pleasure in fast, powerful thrusts that drove her insane. She wanted to give him pleasure, wanted to make him feel as good and mighty and whole as he made her feel. She tightened around him and the sound of him moaning her name in abandon was the most beautiful thing she had ever heard.

This time as she soared, he went with her, the both of them climbing together, fueling each other’s pleasure until they reached the peak, and she called out to him as she felt him twitch and spill inside her, so loud she thought the entire city had heard her and everyone would know what they had been up to in those two hours of break.

Not that she cared in the least. Let the whole city know, let the whole world know how much they meant for each other. If there was a way she could raise a standard on the top of the Gard to show to everyone they were one and the same and that their bond would never bend or break, she would, but alas that was impossible and impractical, so she settled for screaming his name as loud as she could.

Her whole body throbbed and ached, and yet she wanted more, always, would never get enough of him, and he was the same. He was still hard inside of her and the fire that fueled them only burned brighter instead of being put out. She hooked her leg around him and turned them, swift and precise, moaning as it made him move inside her, but finally she had him where she wanted.

She splayed her hands on his chest and rode him with abandon, taking her turn now to seek her own pleasure on her own terms. The sight of him under her was as hot as it had been on top of her and she never once dared to close her eyes, taking every second in, every twitch and change of his expression that was usually so controlled. She did this to him, and it was the best, most heady feeling in the world.

They reached their climax together once more, his fingers leaving marks on her skin as her nails did the same on his. Brands and marks they would wear with pride until they faded and were replaced with new ones. 

Soon, it would be time to go back to the meeting and this time she would count with his full pride and support. Now, failure seemed as distant a concept as the angel that no longer answered the Nephilim’s cries. Unthinkable, simply impossible. As they kissed and came down from their highs, she glowed with the confidence and the knowledge that, together, they were invincible and nothing would ever bring them down. There was nothing in the world that could ruin them or make her happiness bigger than it was.

Or so she had thought.

 

~~**~~

 

When Clary opened her eyes that morning, she bolted out of bed and ran to the bathroom to hurl over the toilet. Her insides twisting and revolting against her until she had nothing left inside, and still the sickness would not go away. That was how Jace found her when he came to wake her up, as he had every other day that week, and he knelt beside her to pull her hair away from her face, brow furrowed in worry.

“Again, Clary? This is the 5th time this week. We have to get you to a doctor, maybe even the Silent Brothers if we can force them to see us, and we have to tell Jon-”

“No!” She cut him off, kneeling a bit wobbly so she would stay a bit away from the toilet. She was breathing heavily, feeling like she would throw up again but now it wasn’t because of the sickness, but from the panic welling up inside her. She could feel there was something wrong with her body, had felt it all the way through her mission in the rebel camp and it continued when she had come back. Now, she could no longer deny to herself what she thought was happening, and just the idea of it was terrifying, impossible. She had to be sure, clinging to the hope that she was wrong.

“No, Jace, we- We can’t tell Jon, not yet. But I need you to do something for me, something important, and you can’t tell him, you have to promise. Can you do that for me? Please?”

“Of course,” He seemed slightly shocked, but his voice rang true and steady as it always did with her. “I would do anything for you, you know that. What do you need me to do?”  
Clary gulped, and prepared herself to say the words out loud.

“When you go out with the mission tonight to target the Paris Institute, I need you to sneak out to the city, to a drugstore and… And get me…” She breathed deeply before she managed to continue: “A pregnancy test.”

“Pregnancy test!” Jace repeated, eyes wide and mouth opened, a shock she was sure mirrored her own. “Clary, are you sure?”

“I’m… Almost. That’s why, that’s why I need the test. Please, Jace, do this for me and don’t tell Jon, yet. I… I will think about how I’ll tell him if- If it’s true.”

“Of course,” Jace nodded and searched for her hand, holding it tight, his calm and presence giving her strength. “Everything will be alright, Clary, you’ll see.”

She nodded, even though she didn’t really believed him, but she hoped he was right.

 

“Are you done yet?” Jace’s voice sounded through the door of the bathroom, and Clary groaned, downing her head in her hands.

“No! Stop asking every five seconds, I need to focus!”

“To pee? Just think of flowing rivers, waterfalls, showers, and let it go.”

“Jace!” She knew he was being chatty because he was nervous too, and only trying to make her relax, but right now it wasn’t what she needed. “Not helping!”

“Ok, sorry. I’ll be quiet now, but I’m here if you need anything.”

“Ok,” she said quietly, and hugged her knees closer to her chest. She was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, too terrified and nervous to even try to do the test. What if she wasn’t pregnant? That would only mean there was something else wrong with her and she had no idea what. But – and this option was even more petrifying – what if she was pregnant? What would she do?

She had never expected something like this would happen, had never even stopped to consider it. It was just unthinkable that she would end up getting pregnant from her own brother. She knew it was possible, remembered the biology and history lessons she had had in school before she had left it for the Shadow World, but it had never seemed like a real thing, something that could be applied to her, to them, in this situation. And now… Now what would she _do_?

And what would Jon do? Would he be mad at her? Disappointed? Would he think she wasn’t good enough for him anymore? When she was fat and ugly would he stop wanting her? Stop loving her? Would he leave her? She didn’t think she would be able to do this without him, she didn’t _want_ to. She didn’t even know if she wanted to do this _with_ him, but the idea of getting an abortion brought with it its own share of fear and doubts. No matter where she looked, there was a dead end, an awful decision and future. She pressed her forehead tight to her knees as the tears started to run down her cheeks, faster and heavier until they turned into broken sobs. Oh, Lilith, oh Angels or God or whomever was listening, what was she going to do?

She cried until she couldn’t cry anymore, until no more tears would come out, and finally she felt herself relax a little, slowly able to think again as she breathed deeply to calm herself down. She had to keep her head clear, had to take this one step at a time or she wouldn’t get anywhere. First, the test, and then… She would deal with whatever happened after when she got to it.

The waiting for the result after was agonizing. She left the test on the sink and paced around the bathroom, counting her steps as well as the seconds until it was time and a little while after as she mustered the courage to look.

It was positive.

She was pregnant.

It took all she had for her not to fall apart again, breathing deeply until the room around her stopped spinning. She walked to the door and opened it, unsurprised at finding Jace still in the room, sitting in her bed and playing with his dagger again as he waited, even though probably hours had passed since she had last spoken to him. Jace was loyal, and honest, she knew he would stay there and wait all night if he had to after giving her his word. And now he was looking up at her with worried eyes.

“…So?”

“I…” She licked her lips, her throat was dry from all the crying and her eyes were most likely still puffed, but she had to do this now. “I need you to go get Jon for me.”

“So it’s a yes?”

“It’s a yes. Please call him, but don’t, don’t tell him what it’s about.”

Jace nodded solemnly and disappeared out the door and she sat down on the bed, waiting, waiting. It was somehow even more excruciating then before, perhaps because now she didn’t have a time limit for her wait, or any idea of what would happen next. Only Lilith knew how Jon would react to the news, but in spite of that she wanted nothing more than to see him right now. Needed him by her side for better or for worse.

“Clary!” His thundering voice was accompanied by the sound of running steps. She didn’t know what Jace had told him to get him to come so quickly, but she was glad for whatever it was. He threw open the door of the bedroom seconds later and rushed to her side on the bed, passing an arm around her and pulling her against him. “What happened? Are you ok?”

She opened her mouth to speak and then realized she couldn’t, so she just shook her head. No, she was not ok, she had never been less ok, and only he could make it better. Her denial only prompted him to ask again, fear now clear in his voice: “Clarissa, what’s wrong? You need to tell me!”

“I’m… Jon, I’m… I’m pregnant.”

There was a beat of silence. Two.

“ _What?!_ ”

She flinched, this was exactly what she had been fearing. Her eyes welled up again. 

“I am pregnant, I am sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, I didn’t think-”

But he didn’t seem to be listening to her apology. His mouth hanged open, his expression pure surprise, and in other circumstances she would have thought it funny that she had managed to get the mighty Jonathan Morgenstern actually dumbstruck.

“You are pregnant? Actually pregnant? You are carrying a child?”

“Yes. I just did the test. Jon, I’m s-”

“Is it my child?”

“ _Of course_ it’s your child.” She replied, somewhat exasperated, deciding she did not like dumbstruck Jonathan after all – as cute as he looked actually flustered for once – he made too many stupid questions and didn’t listen to her. “I am pregnant with your child, pregnant with my brother’s child. I am sorry, Jon. I- I can get rid of it, if-”

“ _Don’t you dare!_ ”

The sudden desperation in his voice made her whip her head back, staring at him with wide eyes. The outburst and, even more so, the feeling behind it had caught her completely by surprise, disarranging all of her thoughts and now it was her turn to ask:

“…What?”

“You heard me! How dare you talk about getting rid of our child? You won’t, I won’t let you. I will strap you to this bed all through your pregnancy if I have to.”

This was too much, her head was spinning, surely he couldn’t mean what she thought he meant.

“So you are not… Mad?”

“Mad? How could I be mad? You just told me you are pregnant with our child. _Our child_ , Clarissa. Do you have any idea how long I have wanted to be with you? You are my sister, my other half, my queen! You are my everything. And now you tell me we will have a child? A heir to our kingdom. A… A family?” His voice was quiet like she had never heard it before, reverent and hopeful, and she wondered how she could have ever thought he wouldn’t like this, when she had known everything he said to be the most fundamental truth about him, everything he had always wanted, but never dared to tell anyone or ask of the world, until he had met her. And they had been together ever since. She had been so shocked, so scared, she didn’t realise it had also made her blind.

“I am not mad, on the contrary I am… Thrilled, proud, I am… You are _pregnant with my child_. Mine. You and that baby, you are both mine. I am happy. I am so happy.”

He smiled at her. Beaming, large, beautiful, and it broke every last piece of her fear and dread into the ground. “Oh, Jon!” She half called half sobbed, before she had thrown herself on him, holding him tight and being held in return, crying again, but this time from happiness. So much happiness, so much warmth she didn’t know what to do with it except cling to him tighter and soak his coat with her tears as he murmured her name over and over in reverence, hands roaming over her hair, her body, her face, and then she was melting against him, into the best kiss she had ever had in her entire life, because he still loved her and wanted her and they would be together and happy forever. She started laughing in the middle of the kiss and he laughed with her and she didn’t think it was possible to feel happier than she did right now.

A knock sounded on the door, startling them both, and they looked up to see Jace’s head peaking in through a crack, a crooked smile on the corner of his mouth.

“I take it that breaking the news went well?” He asked, walking into the room and approaching them. “Are we allowed to celebrate now?”

Clary laughed, still a bit wet from all the crying.

“Yes, we are celebrating! We are going to have a child!”

“Finally! Congratulations!” Jace crossed the room in 3 long strides and pulled her up, hugging her so tight he lifted her off the ground and spun her around. Clary laughed even more as she clung to him and thanked him. 

Jonathan furrowed his brow at him for a moment, then got up and punched Jace in the shoulder in a mocked offense.

“You _bastard_! You knew and you didn’t tell me?! What kind of best friend are you? I should hang you upside down on the east tower window for this treason.”

Jace smiled and held his hands up in a ‘don’t shoot me’ gesture.

“Sorry, bro, but Clary asked me not to tell, and I am more scared of her than I am of you. And I only found out about it this morning as well.”

“Jace bought the pregnancy test for me during your mission. I asked him to keep it a secret until I knew for sure, I’m sorry.”

“So that’s why you disappeared on the way back. Having to pee, my ass. I can’t believe you.” He punched him again and Jace yelped.

“Has anyone ever told you you have violence issues?”

“Every day.”

“One more can’t hurt. Come here, man.”

They hugged each other as Jace congratulated Jon too and Clary smiled again. She felt like she would never stop smiling, everything had worked out and now the people she loved most knew about everything and were happy, and would stay by her side through all this and forever. It was everything she could have wished for.

...All the people she loved most knew about everything.

Oh, _shoot_.

“What’s the problem, Clary?”

Two pairs of worried eyes stared at her. She hadn’t realized she had spoken out loud, but it was all the better. She looked back at them with wide eyes.

“Who is going to tell our mother?”

Jon and Jace looked at each other, and quickly both of them pointed at her.

Traitors.

 

~~**~~

 

When Clary opened her eyes that morning, it was 3 in the morning and she wanted to eat lobster with chocolate sauce.

“You want _what_?” Jon gaped, voice gruff and garbled by sleep as he blinked up at her, rubbing his hands over his eyes.

“The leftovers from that lobster we had at dinner. With chocolate sauce.”

“I have heard of pregnancy cravings before, but what the hell, Clarissa?”

She shrugged. “The baby wants what the baby wants. Come on, Jon, you don’t want your child to be born with the face of a lobster, do you?”

“After the sixth 3 am craving in a row, I am starting to consider it. I think what that child wants is to never let me sleep again.” 

She swatted at his shoulder and pouted.

“Don’t talk about him like that! Or her!” She hadn’t wanted to know the sex, liking the surprise element to it. She knew Jon didn’t see the point of it, but he had gone along willingly because it was her wish, which pleased her.

“Fine, fine.” He got up and walked around the bed, picking her up bridal style. “Off to the kitchen we go.”

She laughed at him when he picked her up, something he had taken to do lately.

“I can walk on my own, you know?”

“I do, but why should I let you? You are my pregnant queen, I will pamper you as much as I can.”

He kissed her head and she beamed as she nuzzled his shoulder and snuggled close to him, hand lazily resting on her belly and caressing over the bump there as he carried her through the corridors. She was getting quite big, closing in on the third trimester, if her calculations were correct, and as much as she fake-complained out of a sense of pride, she actually appreciated how careful and thoughtful he was being with her lately.

She had never seen him so happy before, not even when she had embraced her true feelings about him and the world and come to his side, and he had been extremely happy then. Now it was as if a permanent light had been lit inside him, that last piece that had always been missing for him to achieve perfect happiness. Being able to see it – and even more: sharing it with him and being part of the cause of that happiness – filled her with as much warmth as the life currently growing inside of her did.

It was almost surreal, how well things had fallen together both before and after they announced their pregnancy. Clary’s mission as a spy on the rebel camp had been a success and now most of the people that had been there were now part of their army – including Alec and Isabelle, who had been the first person outside of her family she had told about the baby and who had been so happy for her. After that, all the remaining rebel institutes started falling one by one under their attacks and convincing the downworlders to turn sides had gotten easier and easier. They knew there were still people hiding around the world, but actual resistance had pretty much been eradicated, so the past few weeks had been filled with a peace she could have never imagined, with Jon by her side almost every day.

Breaking the news to her mother too hadn’t been as awful or traumatizing as she had feared. Ok that she hadn’t whooped with joy, and was worried about Clary and her health and well-being, but she was sure once the baby was born and everything was fine her mother would relax and fall head over heels with her grandchild, like every grandma did.  
With her mother taken care of, telling everyone else had been a breeze, and all their friends, allies and subjects were thrilled at the prospect of their heir. Gifts kept arriving from all the corners of the world, beautiful things for baby and mother, and they touched Clary in a way she couldn’t explain. She had been worried about continuing to appear like a strong queen even through these times, but the support she had gotten from everyone was so great, she once again hadn’t known why she had been so worried in the first place.

After that, everything had been happiness and peace and a love so overwhelming she didn’t know what to do with it. Jon was together with her almost every second of every day, tending to her every whim, offering her food and drinks and foot massages and fluffed pillows and books and carrying her and pretty much pampering her in every way imaginable. Jace kept close too, sharing on Jon’s and her happiness, giving support and tending to important matters on their behalf when it was necessary. Her mother, Isabelle and Amatis kept coming over to gossip and fuss over the baby. And even Alec had appeared one day with a teddy bear gift for the baby. It was like her own personal bubble of happiness.

Of course, there had been bad things too, not everything was roses and sunshine during a pregnancy. The first few months specially had not been kind to her: she was nauseous all the time, could barely keep any kind of food down even with the help of potions and runes. Instead of putting on weight like most pregnant women did, she had actually _lost_ weight, and for a while they had been scared it would be bad for the baby, but the sickness had gradually subsided as the first trimester ended, she started eating more and putting on weight. They had even called a warlock, one of their trusted allies, to check on her and she had confirmed both the baby and her would be fine.

There were other things too: the gases, the constant urge to pee, the fact that no cute movie or romance novel had ever told her that having a tiny person inside of you moving around and kicking your insides was actually uncomfortable as hell. She had spent days without being able to find a comfortable position to sleep until someone – on a bout of unprecedent mundane knowledge – had gotten her one of those giant pillows from a store in one of the taken over cities that she now considered the new love of her life, for Jon’s utmost jealousy and rage.

Her hormones had also been all over the place. A minute she was extremely happy and the next she was sobbing because the small baby coat she had bought didn’t exactly match the tone of the hat Maryse had gotten her a week before. Other times she was so grumpy and overwhelmed she screamed and threw things and threatened everyone out of the room so they would stop annoying her. More than once she had been in pain, sleep deprived and moody and had repeatedly hit Jon with a pillow, asking him how _dare him_ do this to her, to put that thing inside of her, and told him that he was stupid and she hated him and a bunch of other deranged screeches.

She was embarrassed to admit how often her tantrums had ended with her throwing herself on top of him and kissing him as if her life depended on it until she had worked out all of her frustrations. Another thing no one ever bothered to mention was how horny being pregnant made you.

She was thinking about these things and she might have dozed off a little bit as he carried her, because the next thing she knew she was being rocked lightly and Jon was calling her name and telling her they had arrived.

“Wait here like a good girl while I go prepare that nasty grub you decided sounds like a reasonable thing to eat.”

He sat her down on the small dining table the cooks used to have their meals and she showed her tongue at him.

“Again, it’s not me that wants it, it’s your child, that will probably have as weird a taste in food when they grow up as Isabelle. And since when do you say ‘grub’?”

“Jace saw it written on a wall in L.A. in our last mission and he wouldn’t stop saying it all the time we were there, guess it rubbed off on me.”

“Wait until people hear the great Jonathan Morgenstern calls food ‘grub’,” she teased, legs balancing over the edge of the table.

“Wait until people hear the great Clarissa Morgenstern cried over a baby shirt that had ‘Beary cute’ written on it.”

“It had a picture of a baby bear in it! It was too cute not to cry! I regret nothing!”

He laughed at her, but she didn’t mind, enjoying their small banter. It was all so homely and normal and nice she couldn’t even believe it was happening between them, that she was the pregnant mother sitting in the kitchen at 3 AM caressing her belly while her beloved rummaged through the kitchen and prepared a plate for her. It almost made her dizzy.

Jonathan heated up a piece of lobster and then went to the cabinet to get the chocolate sauce, and she could see the disgusted face he did at it, twisting his nose, that made her laugh.

“Are you sure you want to eat this?”

“Absolutely.”

“Anything for my queen, then,” he sighed in defeat and poured the chocolate over the lobster, nose twisting again. “Here is your feast.”

She picked up the plate and took the first bite, humming at the taste. “It’s good!”

“It literally can’t possibly be.”

“It is! Come here, try it.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Jooon…” She whined, and pouted, and he sighed in defeat again.

“Fine, anything for my queen,” he repeated again, and went over to take the bite she was offering him. His nose immediately scrunched up even harder than before.

“Oh, Lilith, this is hideous.”

“Fine, then, more for me.”

She happily kept eating as he sat down in a chair by her and rested his head on her belly, arms going around her as he stood close, feeling the movements of the baby. It was something else he had taken to do a lot lately, said it calmed him down, and every time he did, it just made her love him more.

Once she was done with the food, she put the plate to the side and carded her fingers through his silvery hair.

“Did you fall asleep?”

“Hmm, no, I was just listening. Are you happy now?”

“The cravings monster has been subsided for the night, yes.”

“Good, very good.” He left a kiss on her belly. “Because I was thinking, and I have a craving too.” He lifted the hem of her pyjama shirt and left another kiss on her, that somehow made her shiver.

“Really? For what?”

“You,” he said simply, standing and kissing up her body until he got to her neck, nibbling at her ear. “I am always craving you.”

“ _Jon_ ,” she moaned when one of his hands found its way inside her panties, touching and teasing her, the other caressing her belly, her breasts, every place he could reach in reverent touches.

She had worried for a while, once she had started putting on weight, that he wouldn’t want her anymore. That she was ugly and fat and undesirable and that he wouldn’t dare look at her much less touch her in any sort of intimate manner, but once again she had been proven wrong. Not only had he not turned her away when she expressed interest, but he still sought her out almost as often on his own. He told her how beautiful she was, how hot and sexy, how much he wanted her, so many times until she started to believe it was truthful and not a way to make her feel better.

Every time they were together now felt familiar and new at the same time. Her body was different, her reactions were different, and they were constantly rediscovering their lovemaking together every time they did it. It made for some mishaps, but mostly for very interesting experiences, and they always managed to find their way back to fitting perfectly and naturally together at these times. 

She blindly felt her way through his body to his groin and gasped at feeling how hard he already was. Just for her, just because of her, and suddenly a want crashed over her from deep inside her soul, the fingers no longer enough, nothing would be enough if it wasn’t him.

“Jon- Jonathan, enough, now. _Now_.” She commanded and he answered with a matching desperate groan, dropping his and her pants in seconds, hands firming on her hips to pull her even forward on the edge of the table and then before she could breath, speak, or even think he was already inside of her, making her scream.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, keeping him as close to her as possible while he moved, and she fell back to lie on the table getting as comfortable as possible in the rough surface. Looking through her half-lidded eyes she could see her prominent belly, but she didn’t feel ugly or strange because above it all she could see was his face, his eyes burning with need and want and reverence still, only for her. His desire for her was clear and she had never felt as gorgeous or as powerful as she did in these moments with him inside of her and the proof of their love and devotion and their future together between them. It was a deep-seethed pride that was more primal than even love or desire and it made her feel powerful and indestructible, mighty as the earth itself, worthy of devotion as the moon and the stars.

And her beloved worshipped her until their screams were ringing through the Gard and they were both satisfied and Clary really knew how it felt to be the owner of the whole universe.

 

~~**~~

 

When Clary opened her eyes that morning, there was a pain bigger than she had ever felt possible, and she had been to battles where she had been beaten, shoved and stabbed. None of that, though, could compare to this pain that was coming from her very core and taking over her whole body as it spread from the back to the front and reverberated everywhere else. She gasped as she woke up, mouth open in a silent scream through this first bout of pain, but as soon as it started to subside and she could breath again, she reached over to Jonathan, hitting him, clawing at his arm or his back or whatever place of his body she had reached.

“Jon! Jon! It’s time, oh Lilith, it’s time! Jon!”

She was calling him, but he had already been up from the first moment she had touched him, tuned and alert to every sign of distress or danger that could possibly come to her. His instinctual violent reaction got frozen for a moment, as his brain tried to switch focus from a mere enemy to the enormity of this situation, from attacking to protecting, from acting to soothing.

He put his hands on her face and held her gently, making shooing and calming noises to snap her out of the panic suddenly waking up with contractions had caused her.

“Shh, shh, Clarissa, breath, look at me. Are you sure? It could be another false alarm.”

“No, no.” She shook her head frantically, hands covering his and gripping at him in a way she thought had to be painful for him, but that helped ground her and stabilize her. She would apologise for it later. “This one was different, I’m sure. It’s time, Jon, it’s really, really time, oh my God-”

“Hey, Clarissa, shhh, breath, breath, that’s it. We have a plan, remember? We know what to do. Try to calm yourself down, I will go get your bag and then we will go to the Basilias. I will be right back, ok? Do you need anything else?”

“Mom. I need mom, Jon, please-”

“Shh, it’s okay, I will have someone wake Jocelyn up and have her meet us at the gates. It will be okay. Now breath, I will be right back.”

“Ok,” she answered, voice small, and mustered all her strength to let him go to get their things even if her entire body and soul screamed for him not to leave her, that she needed him here by her side or she couldn’t make it. She closed her eyes and tried to even her breathing and calm herself down like he had said, instead, knowing that freaking out wouldn’t help anyone and that it probably wasn’t good for the baby either. 

He came back fast as lightning, bag swinging from his shoulder as he held out his arms to her. “Come on, Carissa, let’s go.”

She clung to him and he picked her up in a gesture that was now pure habit, carrying her out the doors as he yelled for the guards. Jace was already coming towards them, either because he had heard the calling or he had felt Jonathan’s distress through their bond it didn’t matter, his eyes were worried as he approached.

“What happened? Is something wrong?”

“No, but it’s time. Jace, make sure there’s a carriage waiting for us when we get to the gates. And go get Jocelyn and make sure she is there too. Clary needs her.”

Jace’s eyes widened and then a beaming smile spread through his face.

“It’s time?”

He sounded so happy for them, so caring, that the knot of worry on Clary’s throat eased a bit and she smiled back.

“It’s time.”

Eager but careful, Jace hugged both of them, almost bringing Clary to tears. Even Jonathan’s breath hitched, moved.

“That’s _awesome_. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you, brother. Now go, come on, we have to go.”

“Aye, aye, captain!” Jace saluted them and ran to the other side, giving orders to the guards that had appeared in the hallway as Jonathan turned to the other side and continued carrying her to the gate.

Quickly the word spread through the Gard as wildfire and more and more people came to help, or watch and wish them good luck, the whole fort coming to life in noise and movement, and tears of happiness started rolling down Clary’s face at the support.

They were halfway through the corridors when another contraction came over her, a bit stronger now, and she groaned and clung to Jonathan as the pain took over her again, making him pick up his pace even more, yelling at whomever was near that the carriage better be ready when they arrived there or else… Under his normal steely voice, she could tell he sounded anxious and desperate and she nuzzled his chest once the pain was over to reassure him too.

He didn’t need to worry though, once they passed through the gates there the carriage was, waiting, with the horses already attached and a driver waiting with reigns in hand. It was Jace, of course, he wouldn’t trust anyone else to take them on this ride. Her mother was sitting in the bench inside of the carriage, her eyes big and worried, but full of motherly, and she reached her arms out to her.

“Clary!”

“Mom!”

She gripped her hand and together her and Jonathan helped her into the carriage, she sitting by her mother with Jon in front of them as he hit the roof of the carriage and signaled Jace he could go. The horses reared and rushed down Gard Hill into the town of Alicante, headed to the Basilias. From the trees, skies and streets, creatures and demons looked over as they passed, but Clary paid no attention to them, instead focusing on where she was, with the people she loved the most around her, one hand in Jon’s and another between her mother’s. She was probably squeezing their fingers when the next contraction came but neither of them seemed to mind, whispering soothing and encouraging words to her. She was scared and anxious, yes, but she was also happy, her heart hammering in her chest in anticipation, she wanted this more than she had ever wanted anything in her life, maybe that’s why it was so terrifying.

Jace drove as carefully as his speed let him and in minutes they were pulling up to the Basilias at Angel Square. The Silent Brothers were no more, but warlocks on their side had been hired in their stead and could do the job just fine. One of them, a woman with lilac skin, was already waiting at the entrance when they arrived.

“Right this way, my queen. How far spread are her contractions?”

“Around every three minutes.” Her mother answered just as another contraction hit her as she stepped out of the carriage, and that time she felt a gush of liquid escape her too.

“I think- I think my water just broke,” she said, looking up at the warlock, a bit of her panic coming back now.

“Then let’s get you to a room, come on. The father can go, but family and friends need to wait in the hall.”

After that, Clary wasn’t quite sure how exactly things happened. She only remembered being rushed to a room, screaming as the pain of the contractions got stronger and closer together, holding Jon’s hand tight each time. Afterwards, he told her she cursed him to Edom and back but she didn’t remember it; she just remembered pain, pain and pain as the warlock told her to push and push and push until finally the baby was out and everything was still for a long moment, Clary not daring to breath, her heart hammering in her chest desperately until a long cry cut the air, the warlock woman efficiently cutting the cord and cleaning the baby before holding it up.

“Congratulations, it’s a healthy perfect baby boy.”

“A boy? We have a boy?” Jonathan asked, voice cracking possibly for the first time in his life, and the pleased awe in his voice filled her with joy and pride.

“Yes, you do, my Lord. Would you like to hold him?” She was asking Clary and she immediately reached her arms out, an instinct as old as life itself taking over her.

“Yes, please. Please, please, give me my son.”

And then the boy was put in her arms and nothing else mattered. He was warm and breathing and real and _perfect_ , so perfect, the most perfect thing she had ever seen in her life. Suddenly, everything else ceased to matter, the pain was inconsequential, every moment of sickness and doubt already forgotten. She was a mother now and never had she felt so much love and protectiveness in her life. She knew instantly she would do anything for him, so he would grow happy and loved and safe, she would starve so he wouldn’t, she would hurt so he didn’t have to. From that moment forward, every breath she took would be dedicated to him.

“He is… Gorgeous.” Jon’s voice was low and reverent over her, an echo to her own feelings, and she couldn’t have stopped the tears from forming and rolling down her face now even if she had wanted to. A ghost of a memory came to her, of a dream of the two of them together, looking over something more precious than life, and she realized it was this, that she had known it all along.

“He is perfect. And ours. He is ours, Jon.”

“Ours…” He repeated, and through her half-lidded eyes she thought she saw a tear rolling down his cheek too.

 

She was taken to a room to rest and recover as the warlock took the baby for some early exams and Jon went to give the news to Jocelyn and Jace. She could hear the excited screams and cheers all the way from her room and when Jon came back he was complaining about Jace giving way too tight hugs, but she could tell he was happy. He sat by her side, taking her hand in both of his and confessed even Jocelyn had hugged him too. It wasn’t a pleased confession, but it wasn’t a resentful one either. Maybe he didn’t know yet what to do with his complicated feelings towards their mother, but this was definitely a step forward she would treasure in silence.

“We need to pick a name now.” She said instead, grinning. “Any suggestions?”

“Anything but Valentine,” he said seriously and Clary couldn’t help but grimace too.

“I’m right there with you. Let’s not take a page from his book and just name him Jonathan, either.”

“Jonathan the third does have a nice ring to it, though.”

“ _No_.” 

“Alright, alright. Do you have something in mind?”

“Actually… I was maybe thinking about… Sebastian.” She confessed, and saw him widen his eyes.

“…Why that name?”

“Well, you have taken your old name back now as a sign of strength and continuity to our followers, but you used that one for quite a while, it was a name you had picked for yourself instead of it being given to you, and it was part of you. I thought it would be nice if it was a part of you again.”

“A part of me…” He repeated and laid his head on her shoulder, hiding his eyes from her. “We have a child, Clarissa. _I_ have a child, I can barely believe it.”

“Believe it, it’s true,” she reassured him, but he shook his head.

“I have no idea what to do. I… He is just so _small_. Did you look at him? Did you see how small he is? And helpless. I don’t even know what to _do_ with such a helpless being. I couldn’t even touch him while he was in your arms. And he is going to grow up and look up to me as someone that cares for him, as someone that is there to help, but my own father did not care for me, neither did my mother, so I don’t know if I am capable of caring the way I am supposed to, the way he _needs_ me to. I don’t know if I can be a good father.”

It was a heartfelt and heartbroken confession, a peek on the true feelings that lay under the armour Jonathan had built for himself and that he so seldomly put down, even for her. Most of what she knew she had built from bits of pieces, from observing him and understanding, from taking crumbs after crumbs over the expanse of months to build an image of his true self. He had never before confided in her so openly and vulnerably as this, and she felt her love for him grow even impossibly bigger in that moment. Her free hand caressed through his hair.

“I don’t think anyone ever knows how to be a good parent, but the fact that you are worried about it, that you care enough to be afraid if you’ll do it right or not, means you are already a much better father than ours ever was, and I think it means you will be a great father. I don’t know if I will be a good mother either, but we will figure things out together, okay?”

He didn’t answer, but he nodded his head against her and that was enough, she knew he had heard her and would take her words to mind and heart. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door and she was almost disappointed when he pulled away and set himself straight, his calm, controlled expression back in place, but then the warlock nurse came in, carrying their son with her, and nothing else mattered.

“All the tests went perfectly well. Your baby is as healthy and strong as he could be. As soon as our lady rests, you are free to leave and go back home. I have to warn you though… There’s quite a crowd outside waiting for you and a glimpse of the baby. This is like William and Kate all over again.”

“Who?” Jonathan asked, as Clary giggled, but soon he shook his head. “Nevermind, we will deal with them in due time, after Clarissa rests.”

“Very well, my lord.”

The nurse walked forward and offered the baby up to him, and Clary held her breath. There was a moment of hesitancy, a heartbeat, and then Jonathan was reaching out to take the baby in his arms, the nurse teaching them the correct way to hold a baby, as well as giving some more tips, before she excused herself and left.

“Breath, Jon,” Clary reminded him, seeing how stiff and frozen he was, as if he was afraid to move and watched as he slowly relaxed. The baby was sleeping, and he continued undisturbed even as Jonathan ran his thumb lightly through his cheek.

“Hello, little Sebastian. Hello, my son.”

It was more than enough to make Clary cry again.

 

If she had been happy before, the days after that were pure paradise. They went back home together as a family, they got hundreds of more gifts, and all their families and friends were head over heels for the baby, helping them whenever they needed. Clary’s favourite times were when it was just the three of them alone, though. A family. She loved her two boys more than anything she had ever loved in the whole world, now and forever. It was as heavenly to hold her child, play with him, take care of him, a it was to watch Jonathan do the same, growing more comfortable both with the baby and inside his own skin as he did. There was nothing in the world that could ruin them or make her happiness bigger than it was.

Or so she had thought.

~~**~~

When Clary opened her eyes that morning, she bolted out of bed and ran to the bathroom to hurl over the toilet. It was the third time that week she started the day like that, and it was the third time that week this was how Jace found her when he came to wake her up.

“Again, Clary? This is getting too much. Are you sure you don’t want me to call a warlock to see you?”

“I don’t know, I keep hoping it will pass. The last time I felt like this was when…” She froze mid-sentence, realizing exactly when it had been the last time she had felt like this. She looked up at the top shelf of the see-through cabinet over the sink, where the box of the pregnancy tests kit had laid forgotten for over an year now.

Jace followed her eyes, and his mouth opened when he noticed where she was looking at.

“You don’t think…?”

“There’s only one way to find out.”

She kicked him out of the bathroom to do the test. There was no fear now, no desperation. Only curiosity and a vague hope and anxiety for the result, that even still managed to grow through the minutes when she paced around the bathroom, waiting, waiting, until the time was up. She took a deep breath and picked the stick back up from the sink, turning it around to look at the result that waited for her.

It was positive.


End file.
